12/19/2013 Trusting Yourself on the JourneyBy Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
Have you ever heard the poem, The Journey, by Mary Oliver? The poem’s conclusion is as follows: And there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do-- determined to save the only life you could save. Oliver’s poem is moving, and it captures so much of what we heard about the journey of recovering from past abuse from the participants in our studies. This journey can be long, unpredictable, and arduous. And yet, it also can be awe-inspiring, motivational, and nurturing to one’s own soul. One of the major points we heard time and again from survivors was just how important it is to trust yourself and your intuition as you move forward (and sometimes backwards) along the journey. This may be difficult to do, especially in light of the trauma and isolation that so often accompany abuse. For example, one of our study participants said, “At one point you have so many lies you begin to realize you may have isolated yourself. In my case, I always thought that if he was doing it to me, he wouldn't do it to someone else. I think the secrecy is the hardest for me to still cope with because I lost trust in my intuition and ability to trust myself.” And yet, the participants in our studies also emphasized how important it is to trust in yourself and in your own process, as you’ll see in the following survivors’ quotes
And, I hope you’ll continue to find inspiration for your journey in the many survivor quotes we are featuring this month on See the Triumph. 12/12/2013 Policing the PoliceNote: This blog was originally posted on the Stop Abuse Campaign blog. For the full post, please go to the following page: http://stopabusecampaign.com/uncategorized/policing-the-police.
Real quotes from real survivors “… In 10 years I called twice. My first call I had a bloodied lip and their response was if he wasn’t there then they could do nothing. My second call was when he yanked me down by my hair with my newborn daughter in my arms. I was told since I had no visible injuries they couldn’t make him leave.” ~`~`~ “I called 911. One of the two police officers responding stated ‘It’s his house … he can punch a hole in the door if he wants to,’” as well as “They didn’t think it was rape, because he didn’t hold me down or anything. ~`~`~ “The police didn’t enforce my protective order. [They] told me they had to witness my ex in the act of violating it…” ~`~`~ “You need to stop provoking him.” ~`~`~ “I was also asked to go on a date by one of the officers involved at the time.” ~`~`~ These are real quotes from real survivors of intimate partner violence. Unfortunately, these are responses from law enforcement officers when survivors reached out for help. One of our goals is to eradicate the stigma that still surrounds intimate partner violence – this includes educating and raising awareness about some of the injustices survivors face everywhere. The last thing that a survivor needs after calling 9-1-1 for help is to be met with these types of responses. For more, please visit the Stop Abuse Campaign blog: http://stopabusecampaign.com/uncategorized/policing-the-police. By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
This December, most of the quotes we're featuring from participants in our studies focus on the theme of the journey. The theme that overcoming an abusive relationship is a long and unpredictable journey is one we heard frequently from the survivors in our studies. I've thought about this idea of the journey often, and it especially came to mind recently when the flurry of news stories came out about recent studies on the long-term health impact of domestic violence for survivors. These studies are very important, as they can help healthcare providers more accurately diagnose and treat health concerns. Likewise, they can empower survivors to seek treatment to address the physical and mental health consequences of the abuse they experienced. At the same time, however, I think it's important that these findings are communicated in a way that doesn't increase the stigma that survivors of abuse already face. We know that many survivors of intimate partner violence face a myriad of challenges as they rebuild their lives and heal from the trauma of abuse. In addition to the physical health consequences, these may include post-traumatic stress and other mental health symptoms, safety risks, and economic and career challenges. For a survivor--especially one who is considering leaving an abusive relationship or making some other big transition to move toward safety and positive, healthy relationships--these challenges can appear insurmountable. That’s why the notion of a journey resonates so much with me, as well as with so many of the survivors who shared their stories with us. The first survivor we quoted this month said, “A day at a time is all it takes to go from victim to survivor.” And the participant we quoted yesterday said, “It became a very spiritual journey...Through this process I fortified my boundaries.” We hope that there is hope conveyed in this theme of the journey. When recovering from an abusive relationship, survivors need not--and cannot--know that they’ve got every detail of the rest of their lives figured out to be able to move forward in their journeys. Often, it’s enough to know that this journey unfolds a day at a time, and sometimes, you even have to take it one second at a time. |
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